Eyes on Fire
by K.I.T.T. RIDER
Summary: He cried. He has the scars to prove of the harm he does to himself. The guilt is too overwhelming for him to deal with. There is only one option that he sees.


**Title:** Eyes on Fire

**Character(s):** Kaito Tenjo, and pretty much everyone else on the side.

**Rating:** T

**Words:** 2985

**A/Ns:** I'm on a roll with these one-shots/drabbles. Anywho, this is, again, a headcannon of mine of a side Kaito suffers with and blah blah blah.

I don't own ZEXAL.

* * *

The night rolls by without as much as a single problem for everyone, except me. I cannot keep my mind still, for every thought in my brain is constantly banging around my skull, reminding me of just how horrible I truly am.

Nothing can help me. Nobody, nothing, not a damn thing in this world can help me.

All I can do is hide in that lonely corner, the one with the blood stains in the carpet and the pocket knife laying against the wall.

I cry. I do, and most people think that I don't. They think I am tough, a bad-ass, an uncaring teen with a bad temper and a reputation.

That's not me. That's the mask I built myself with the help of my older twin sister.

Asaya is my lifeline. We grew up together, can feel each other's pain, help each other with problems. She's one of the only people that can understand what I feel, what I'm going through, what pain I inflict on myself. If I was to lose her, I wouldn't be able to hold up.

But even she cannot understand the guilt that rides my soul, taunting me and constantly reminding me of the deeds that I had done.

This all started when Haruto had been diagnosed with that "disease."

I had to hunt the Numbers. When Mr. Heartland told me of the way to remove those cards, I was disgusted. I refused to do it at first, but when he told me that Haruto was depending on it, I reluctantly agreed, and from then on, with the help of Asaya before she was attacked by Madam Mayfly, I stole the souls of those who possessed the Numbers.

Again and again, I took those souls, regretting it less and less each time. It didn't matter who it was, whether it be an adult or child, I took their souls away from them, ruining their futures along with their lives. I will never be able to give them their souls back, never giving them the life they deserved.

Eventually, I found myself _loving_ taking the souls. I loved it; it was pure ecstasy for me to be on top all the time, to watch as their eyes dulled and became lifeless as their souls were taken from their bodies.

But... once I met Yuma, that all changed. Everything that I though about changed. It was then that I began to feel the guilt that still haunts me to this day.

And, now, here I am, sitting in that lonely little corner of mine as the moonlight seeps through the shades, holding the blade of the knife to my skin and watching the crimson liquid that is mine drip down to the floor.

Scars mark my arms, going all the way up to my shoulders. The pink raised keloids are very visible, so I hide myself underneath my regular outfit. It doesn't matter to me if I die from this hazardous habit of mine; it would just be better if I died anyway.

Why would it matter if I disappeared from this world? The person I fell in love with is gone, having committed suicide in order to rid herself of the scars of her memories being ripped away from her. My family is a mess, my father an ass who is always screwing random whores on the street and my two siblings going off and doing their own thing.

All while I can't move on.

Asaya and Haruto have noticed some of my scars, mostly the ones on my wrists. I never let them see the inside of my room; I make sure to lock the door before going anywhere. It's at times like this that I'm glad that I have my own bathroom; the others in the house don't have to see the harm I've done to myself.

God, my mind is just so... fucked up.

Again, I watch as I slide the blade across my wrist, puncturing the artery there. I feel my blood come faster, dripping silently to the floor. I sigh, smiling slightly before doing the same to my other wrist. I'll just die here, in a puddle of blood, smiling as I think of joining my mother and my lover.

A few minutes pass, and I think of Yuma and Ryouga. What will they say when I'm gone? I bet they'll just move on, not caring about me. Yeah, that sounds correct. Those two are my friends... but they're not as close as best friends would be.

Man, I'm cold. It's so very cold...

Asaya... Haruto... I wonder about them, too. They'll be sad, I know that. But it'll be better if I'm gone...It'll be better for them... for them to move on...

Vaguely I fell my shoulder bumping against the ground. I guess I've fallen on my side, but I'm so numb now I can't tell what's what anymore.

It's starting to get darker. It is very dark. The moonlight is dimming. I guess this is it.

A dull pain then erupts in my cheek, causing my drooping eyelids to snap open. I look around weakly, lips open, tongue dry, skin ice cold. A dim image of Asaya is hovering over me, and she's yelling something. I can't hear her, I can't hear anything.

Then Haruto is next to her, standing shakily and looking at me in extreme worry. Faker is beside him on his knees, shaking my shoulder rapidly and trying to keep me awake.

I don't feel anything anymore. I can't hear anything anymore. I can only see their faces as they slowly blur and darken.

Then the darkness finally consumes me.

* * *

Several lights flash around me. I guess this is what it's like to die. No heaven. No hell. Just... darkness and strange flashing lights.

It's like this for a long time. Longer than I can keep track of. It's rather peaceful, the random flashes of white light the only thing that annoys me. It's very silent, nothing but a dull hum that accompanies each light piercing the darkness every so often. I like it here; it's rather... nice.

But then I start to hear voices.

They appeared suddenly when I was about to doze off for a little while. They're so far away, I can't even tell what they say. All I can identify is that some are female, others are male, and there are several of them. One of the male voices sounds awfully familiar, but I can't put my finger on who has it...

This goes on for a while. They are always the same volume, and when I'm bored I try to hear what they say, but I can't. God, I just want them to go away, leave me to my fate of eternal darkness.

Then they get slightly louder, and it's then that I can understand tidbits of what they say. One female voice states that she is here to see me, telling someone that we're "together"... or something. What does that even mean? A male voice then comes in some time later and sounds rather angry. They both sound rather older than me, but I just _can't tell_.

It's so maddening! I just want to be left alone! Can't you idiots tell that is what I want? Let me die, you goddamn morons!

They go away for a little bit after my tantrum. I'm left to the silence and myself. I thank whatever gods that are out there, even though I don't believe in that kind of stuff.

To my annoyance, however, the voices come back, and even stronger than before. I can hear more, even a faint beeping noise in the background. It's kind of... nice to hear again, but I just don't enjoy the thought of still being alive anymore.

Then something grips my hand.

I stare down at my hand that feels the contact, but I see nothing. It's hard to see here, though, so who knows. I might be hanging onto something.

All feeling and hearing disappears again, leaving me alone. I miss that touch on my hand. I miss the voices.

I shouldn't be missing those sensations. I have to stay dead.

But fate is being quite the bitch lately.

The voices return, but now it's only one voice, one that is very close and is speaking directly to me.

The voice is female, deep for a woman and very calm, but also hinting to her distress.

"I am sorry for what I did to you, Kaito," the voice speaks quietly. "If you ever wake up, I hope you'll forgive me for putting you through all that pain."

And then it is gone.

***(...-...-...-...)***

The darkness, I realize, is starting to brighten. I feel heavier, not floating weightless, but like I'm laying on something hard. Most of my senses are online, my vision being the only one unable to comply with the others. I can hear Yuma now, very clearly, as he argues with Kotori about... food? Hmm, seems like he hasn't changed much-

Wait, wait, wait. Does this mean I'm still..._alive_? What the hell?

Ryouga's voice then pierces the air, telling the fighting two to shut up and that something is up. I then hear Asaya telling someone off in a language I don't recognize: probably Spanish, because she loves that language for some odd reason and decided to learn it in order to confuse people.

I try to will my eyes to open, trying with all of my might to get them open, but they won't listen. Again, I try, but they just will not open. C'mon! I can do this!

But I can't. Not now, anyway.

I drift out again, not into the darkness but more like a dream plain with bright blue clouds and a yellow sun. Butterflies float in front of my face, blue wings aflutter in the light breeze.

As soon as it starts, it's over, and I hear those voices again.

This time Asaya is yelling at Nistro to get over something, and a familiar voice that I can't place telling them both to calm down.

Without much thought, I open my eyes slowly.

Bright white light invades my vision, and I blink in response. The dull white ceiling above me confirms to me that I'm in a hospital of some sort. There's wires in my skin and bandages around my wrists. The dull beep of the heart monitor is rather fast.

Everyone in the room has fallen silent.

I move my eyes around slightly, trying to focus. Blurred images of people come into view, so I blink a few more times just to clear my vision.

I'm tackled by someone small, light blue hair and golden eyes and pale skin. Oh, god...

"Nii-san!" Haruto yells, hugging me tightly. I stare at him, my eyes widening slightly.

"H...Haruto...?" I said weakly. My voice is hoarse, dry and filled with gravel.

Asaya is the next to glomp me. "I'm glad you're awake!" she said happily, looking straight at me. Her hair is longer, tied into a ponytail. I smile slightly in response.

My eyes dart around the room, going from Yuma to Kotori to Ryouga and a few others... Then my eyes land on the woman standing next to Nistro.

She has long violet hair, lavender bangs hanging low over her face and down to her elbows. Small tears are on the edges of her hazel eyes, barely hanging onto her lashes.

Before I can say anything, she exits the room.

"How... long?" I ask after getting over my shock. Asaya stares at me in confusion, but then figures out my question.

"Almost a year," she said, frowning. "I'm sorry to, uh, tell you this, but Dad died of AIDS a month ago."

"Good." I stated. I never liked my father. I hated him with a passion. "He deserved what he got."

"I guess." Asaya shrugged and hugged Haruto tighter. It was then that, after looking around again, I realized Nistro was glaring at me.

"What?" I asked, clearing my throat afterwards. He continued to glare at me, like I had done something wrong, but didn't answer.

Asaya started laughing. "Funny story, actually, but I'll let you settle that with _her_ later," she said, pointing out towards the hall. "She owes you an explanation after that little stunt she pulled."

Yuma and co. looked from me (in complete unison, too) to the woman standing outside the room that I couldn't see. Apparently they were wondering what was going, on, too.

A doctor then came in, smiling slightly. "If you don't mind, I have to check all of his vitals, so I'd like you all to leave the room for a little while."

Everyone nodded, leaving one by one after saying their words of encouragement. The doc stared after them until they were all gone, and then went on his merry way of poking me and prodding me and interrogating me.

After maybe, of I don't know, an hour or so, the doc left, leaving as swiftly as everyone else had.

And then, that same woman from before was the only that stepped inside the room.

"Kaito," she greeted, narrow hazel eyes soft and sad. I glared at her.

"Dextra," I gritted out. "What are you doing here? I thought you killed yourself."

Slowly, she came over to sit next to me. I scooted away slightly. "Kaito, there's several reasons why I did what I did, and I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

"Whatever," I spat. God, does she think she can act like this after nearly two years of thinking she was dead?"

She gave me a desperate expression. "Please, Kaito, you have to understand; I didn't want to put you in danger."

"Oh, so you go and fake your death," I said with sarcasm. "Nice way to not hurt me and everyone else. Good job."

She leaned over me, placing one arm on either side of my body. "Kaito, listen." When I didn't turn to look at her, she climbed on top of me, staring down at me in slight irritation. "I did not want to hurt you, okay? The Barians were after me because of information I knew, and I didn't want to put you in danger because of it. So that's why I chose to fake my death so that you'd forget about me."

"But it did the exact opposite," I said angrily, crossing my arms over my chest.

Dextra bit her lower lip. "I know that, but the past is done and over with. I can't change it." She then shuddered. "Can you... can you forgive me?"

I looked back to her, glaring slightly. I wasn't sure about that one; she had hurt me very badly and it affected me down to my core. It was going to be a long time before I could forgive her for doing that, but-

Before I could get my thoughts organized and spoken, Dextra leaned down and caught my lips with her own. God, I missed this feeling. We hadn't kissed like this for so long...

It wasn't long before our tongues were tangled and her hands gliding all over my body, grazing my scars to floating over the front of my pants to in my hair. I shivered; maybe, just maybe, we could get back together.

But with the guilt that was still floating with me, I don't know if that'll happen.

Pulling away, I licked my lips with the tip of my tongue and uncoiled my hands from her jacket, which apparently I had been trying to get off of her body while we were entangled.

"I don't know, Dextra," I said, after a moment. "I just can't live with the guilt."

Her hazel eyes were glowing as she looked at me. "Kaito, you've got so many friends that'll help you, you know that. Yuma and Ryouga will always be there for you."

"Yes, but-"

"And they don't care what you did in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone, even me. We all love you for who you are." I blinked at her words. She lowered her forehead and pressed it against mine. "So, forget the guilt and just live on for the future, okay?"

After a long moment, I finally made my decision. "Yes," I said, "I'll only look onward toward the future."

**FINISH**

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so let me explain something. Everyone at the beginning of the story is two years older than in the anime, since this is in the future. For maybe a couple of months before Kaito tried to kill himself, Dextra faked her own death because the Barians were still after her even though the Astral World/ Barian World feud is over. During the time that Kaito was in a coma, she came back and dated Nistro for a little while before breaking up with him and staying by Kaito's side.

So there.


End file.
